I was thinking about, and praying about Robbin's situation today, and about my use of the word "affair" in my earlier post. My thinking is as yours, though this afternoon I phrased it, "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.."
I like your phrase " ..having a single eye", for that is exactly the promise spouses make when they enter the marriage covenant. ANY violation of this most sacred pledge of heart-fidelity is adultery. "Anyone who looks on a woman and desires her commits adultery" (Matt 5:28) And THAT is scripture! It's not just sexual lust that makes it wrong. It's a shift of heart-allegience. It's looking with an eye to,in some manner, possess or obtain the affections of another.
I'm afraid many "Chapelites" have been so scarred (seared) by the "connection" doctrine that they will allow nearly anything to occur, and not call it an affair, even if the "connections" are doing "the act". Chapelites have been so conditioned to make allowances (we called it "releasing") for obvious sin, that for many there is nothing the "connected" mate could do that would cross the line.
Moreover, the innocent party was taught to accept the blame for the diseased marriage and allow the misbehavior to continue. (We were even taught that "connection relationships" could somehow heal the marriage.)
Isn't self blame the primary symptom of an enabling personality? "Oh, it must be my fault that my husband gets drunk and beats me. If only I could keep the house cleaner, the kids quieter, be thinner, etc. etc. then he will love me and we will live happily ever after, just like in the fairy tales."
At the "Church of Adultre'" any protest against the affairs are treated as fighting against God! and guilt is heaped upon the innocent party. Moreover, if the innocent party has any devotion to God, this devotion is used against him or her as they are told that God will punish them, or that they will miss the call of God, etcetera.
Some erroneously believe that anything short of intercourse is okay (ala Clinton), and that even if "the act" occurs, it should be forgiven. Is this not what Barnett has always maintained about his wife - that SHE wronged HIM by "not forgiving him" for his numerous adulteries?
Any shift of heart allegience to someone outside the marriage is an affair. Love notes & cards, flowers, amorous kisses, time spent, sweet telephone calls, endearing emails... all of this points to an affair in anyones book. Even the gentiles know this, and rightfully treat such activity with scorn. It is a violation of a sacred covenant where God joined (CONNECTED) a Husband and Wife. (The ONLY place where male/female joining is mentioned in scripture).
It is PATHETIC! 12 years ago we were assured that the male/female aspect of connections was temporary (owing to our natural predilections) and that God would soon move us beyond this "temporary imbalance" into a universal agape' where all would know, and testify, that God was among us because of the great love displayed between us and through us, even to the world. What a joke!
Why is this "great move of God" limited to a decreasing number who occupy a small bingo hall in Renton? Blame Satan, Blame the Flesh, Blame the Elders, Blame the Spouses, but NEVER blame the doctrine or they who promote it.
I will now step off my soap box and let others take their turn....
After this one more comment:
The "Move" has been driven almost entirely by testimony. Oh, there have been half-hearted attempts at finding some scriptural support for it, but by and large the justification for "connections" has been personal testimony. "God has been doing/showing/healing..." IF TESTIMONY WERE A VALID SUPPORT FOR DOCTRINE, I WOULD HAVE BECOME A MORMON YEARS AGO. Testimony, though it has it's place in evangelism, cannot provide PROOF for a doctrine.
I liken the testimonies about the "goodness of connections" to testimonies that could be given by dope-heads. "It makes me feel wonderful. I experience God when I do drugs. It isn't really hurting anyone. If God doesn't want me to do dope, why did he create it? I love people more when I do dope. etc. etc." (I liken DB to Timothy Leary).
Testimonies are a dime-a-dozen, and they give them away for free at the health food stores. Testimonies about God are too often the worst kind of lie.
Please take care. I know I've spoken pointedly once again, but my angst is not directed at you. I pray that God will give you wisdom in what to do and how to do it, and will give you strength and protection and lead you through this terrible time.
If I might give a testimony :-) of encouragement
The day my wife left me I was devastated (and blamed myself for being such a schmuck that she couldn't stand to live with me). I fell to the floor with grief too great for tears. I could only groan. I eventually pulled myself to my knees to approach the throne of God, pushing the grief behind me as an irrelevant thing. I prayed the most serious prayer I think I ever have. "Father, I need you now more than ever. I need you to guide me, to tell me what to do, what to think, how to feel." In my minds eye I was asking Him to stand behind me, place one hand upon my shoulder to guide me, pointing the way with the other, and to lean close to speak instruction clearly into my ear.
It isn't often I hear the voice of God so directly, but I heard it very clearly then.
He came behind me and placed His hand on my shoulder and His face near my ear. In a wonderfully gentle voice He said, "As you have asked so I will do... But you need so much more than that...." And He reached his other hand around me from behind pressing it over my heart. I cannot express the depths of comfort and care I experienced at that time. It was not sufficient for God that I simply "do the right thing" or "think the right thoughts". He greatly cared about my heart. That which I had abruptly pushed behind me as an irrelevant thing, was of Primary Concern to Him and I was greatly comforted by His most intimate comfort.
I pray, in this time of distress and confusion, that God will comfort you greatly even as He guides you.
Greg